Monday, February 28, 2005

Crap on the net

It is a shame there is no interweb cleanup services or

Some where you can report crap to and have it cleaned of the dusty cat5 cables and net packets
Some how remove crap like these sites

if junk sites like these are killed it would mean a faster net and a greener net in not wasting power in keeping junk like this.

I might just start a campain for a GREENER INTERWEB - by promting the removal of dusty crappy useless sites.... I might add my own to the list :)

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Half a monkey.

Ouch, yesterday I dropped my bike of for its annual service and check up after the winter riding and there is a bit to do on the gal.

It looks like I bend the clutch lever when I dropped the bike and the break pads are down to 1mm! and woe of all woes a tooth is missing from the rear chain cam, again probably because of the snow.Bugger and damnation. The bill (ho ho) is looking like £250 quid.

Thankfully I am not back in to work until Thursday as the garage told me the bike will not be ready until Tuesday as the parts are on order.

So that leaves me with a few days in the house doing painting and decorating. Oh joy.

I would rather be in the pub to be honest.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

VDRS, not quite an FPN.

Bystander posted a valid comment on my last blog about defects on motor vehicles and referred to VDRS (Vehicle Defect Rectification Scheme.)

I though I might cover that here and what it was about for those who may not have encountered it and may have gotten off with 'words of advice' in the past.

If the defect is minor ( and there is a list ) the officer can offer the VDRS to the driver of the vehicle and if the driver accepts gets a nice little form listing the defect to get fixed within 14 days and sent the form back to the address on the rear stamped from a MOT testing station.

YES FOLKS the vehicle will have to be taken to a MOT testing station to have the vehicle examined or repaired before the defect notice can be removed. That means it cannot be done by your dodgey mate Dave from the pub.

The station will examine the vehicle and verify it has been repaired by stamping the document with the MOT embossing stamp and completing the form for you.

The Met police service (We are working together now for a safer London) operate the above scheme to ensure defects on vehicles are put right and has a bit of paperwork to it to show accountability.

The nice bit about this system is that it gives good old Joe public a chance to fix there defect whatever it may be (within the guidelines) and doesn’t end up in court wasting court time, fees, FTA warrants etc just for the good old magistrate to issue a fine, and often the defect doesn’t get fixed after a court attendance at least this system address that and the unnecessary burden on the courts.


On the way home on my motorbike it was quite a difficult ride.
It had snowed quite heavily about two hours before I left and continued to snow on route back. Traffic was heavy and slow and the roads were starting to ice over the now compact snow.

I dropped the bike as I came to a stop near a light controlled pedestrian crossing, cursing my bad luck I gave my beloved bike a swift kick more out of relief of not getting hurt or have it fall on me. I spent the next ten minutes in the cold refitting the chain as it had come of the rear cam. I knew it would be a difficult ride home and was glad to get home safely to a nice warm house and a bowl of soup and warm crusty bread.

What I did note on the way home was the number of motor vehicles on the road that had one or more rear break light not functioning or direction indicators, I know stuff fails, breaks and needs repair but clearly there is a current level of I cannot really be arsed to fix it yet attitude of people on the road. The “yea I was meaning to fix that officer” is a common reply to been shown a non functioning item on a motor vehicle.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

It would be nice if there was a national road safety day, where garages give a discount to fix things like lights, tyres and other consumables for motor vehicles and be tied up with general road safety advice and emissions testing. Just a though.

[Today’s study -The Police Act 1996]

* Update - It seems there is a whole week ! -

Friday, February 25, 2005

bee baa bee baa

Today I spent in an IRV as an operator (Incident Response Vehicle), this fine example of Met livered blue light and wailing siren beastie is basically the workhorse of the police.

IRV’s provide the majority of the initial response to a police call, (999) under the direction of the control room IRV’s are tasked incidents to respond to based not only on the location of the IRV to the incident but also mindful of the skill sets of the officers in the vehicle ensuring the best response to any incident makes best use of the skills in the police service.

As operator I was responsible for not only ensuring that any information given over our personal radios was noted for reference on route to the call, but also for the in car computer system that acknowledges the call dispatched to us and for updating that call. I will not go much more in to detail about it as its all techie and very droll but suffice to say it is information technology and enables more effective use of police time and resources. Directions and house numbers noting and keeping a keen eye out on behalf of the driver for non driving related visual items as the driver is fully focused on professional and safe yet speedy arrival at scene is another role of the operator and coupled with the reality that the operator is normally the first out of the car, after all there is little point of the driver getting out and leaving a passenger behind if the car is needed further.

During my shift we dealt with, an indecent exposure, one burglary report a shots fired firearms incident, a serious sexual assault, Three calls to alarms triggered by faults and conducted a number of vehicle checks / stop checks on the mean streets of the borough, as well as been a visible patrol in the area.

I am led to believe this was a very quite night indeed.

It’s quite clear that this level of work is done in a professional and highly motivated and meticulous manner by every body present and the team sprit is totally amazing.

Oh and the cars have heating, something I am glad of after that snowfall.

[Today’s study -The Police Act 1996]

Crime scene Cont ...

Where was I? Oh yes crime scenes and police cordons.

So like yea with the nice trendy blue plastic tape that comes in the handy huge box option with the optional red version for that extra impact, police cordons and crime scenes are put in place in order to control an area for a variety of reasons but primarily to preserve the scene for forensic, legal reasons and to protect life and limb.

That doesn’t mean you can ignore it and traipse your fat size 11 shoes and push that stupid buggy full of white lightning cider under the tape because you are too fat and lazy to walk around it.

To start with the simple point that your bull headed nature runs the risk of obliterating vital evidence or making its integrity in court questionable resulting in some person not been brought to justice for there criminality, or you risk your swanky ass getting cold dead which is a right royal kafuffle involving reams of paper work for the old bill.

The police in the United Kingdom police by consent. That means we can only do our work with the consent of the community. Give a thought to the family’s and people who are affected by a serious crime and a loved one is injured or dead.

They wish that the persons responsible are brought to justice just like you would if the situation was reversed. So think for a second before you get silly and try to barge your way through, because I can tell you with certainty obstruction of a police officer in the lawful execution of there duty will mean a trip to see the custody officer who has a few forms for you to fill in and you might get a bed at the inn.

Online reference for police legal powers

OFFENCE – Obstruct Police – POLICE ACT 1996 S 89
Triable summarily.
One month’s imprisonment and / or a fine.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Crime scene

I spent the entire day on a crime scene cordon, and by heck luv it was cold.
The soft flurries of snow flakes did far from drift lazily down from the grim grey clouds but more lashed there fury and contempt on my little square patch of cordon.
I of course been a smart cookie had found a sheltered point to observe and keep relatively warm but very dry indeed.

A good policeman knows how to keep dry in the rain and snow.

- More to follow

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Wanted on Warrant

This morning as part of my street duties course we went hunting :)

Yes we went knocking on the doors at
7am for people who are wanted on warrant for failing to appear at court (FTA)

It was most enjoyable.

Under these specific warrants it was a matter of knocking on the door of an address and speaking to the occupier and if the Identify off any person present was wanted on said warrant they were arrested and detained until the next court hearing which was
10am today :)

All on our list were those who were bailed from court and then subsequently failed to attend on a set date by the courts. The courts then issue a warrant for that person to appear before them.
This in turn is set aside for the street duties course and homebeat and ward officers to toddle along to jonnie bail hopper knock on his door and bring him in.

Moral of the story - Turn up for court.

Failure means the old bill turning up and taking you in and you never know what time the warrant will be executed.

[ Todays study -The Police and Criminal Evidence Act (PACE) 1984 ]

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

The beat ( II )

Today I spent back walking about.
Up and down, left and right.
It was cold it was wet it even snowed at one point.

Full length undergarments , long sleeve shirt, jumper & heavy trousers , rain jacket and the lovely yellow jacket to keep me warm, and the met vest. (I hope I don't have to run after anyone because I feel like the Michelin man!)

Today’s instruction is the start of road traffic offences and namely the fixed penalty system
The FPN.
Fixed penalty notice - Endorsable (E)
Fixed penalty notice - Non endorsable (N)
Fixed penalty notice - Parking ( P)

So with senior in hand we walk up to a stragitc point to observe and monitor a number of road traffic signs and roads.
After a few minutes our first of 12 "one way street "
To my mind there is no excuse for this on this particular stretch of road.
The driver has to turn against two no entry signs and navigate around a traffic chicane with a second two no entry signs and travel about 100 meters up this road to another T junction before a blind turn to where we waited.
We could observe vehicles turning onto the road from our vantage point and watch them approach, driver's clearly oblivious to the fact the old bill is just ahead with open arms

Now don’t get me wrong, It is on first glance a little unfair but then it becomes apparent that the people we are stopping are also excise tax dodgers, mobile phone users, no insurance and even on one occasion no driving licence full stop!

The FPN (E) costing £60 quid and 3 points on your licence,
and if you don't have a licence it is of to court for process.

[Today’s study - Theft (Amendment) Act 1996 )] - Still...

Monday, February 21, 2005


Ohmy how much of the day have I wasted in bed sleeping !
Its not natual I can tell you!

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Rest day

Today I spent in bed :)

Much to my partners delight I might add.
I have been messing about on the site and I will be adding more stuff shortly!

[ Todays study -The Police and Criminal Evidence Act (PACE) 1984 ] - There is a lot to it :)

Saturday, February 19, 2005

You're nicked son

ESD, Electronic screening device. This little baby comes in to play when ever a road traffic collision is attended by police. It also is used if you commit a moving traffic violation and the officer has reasonable cause to suspect you have been driving while under the influence of alcohol.

I used it today.

I was out in a panda as an operator (The dude in the front passenger seat with the map) when I saw a nice looking motor car breeze through a red traffic signal at a bit of speed, of course we followed and done our checks before stopping the aforementioned evil man on the road.

He was laddered. First he stalled the car when getting out of it and then proceeded to nearly kill him self by falling into the path of oncoming traffic. I could smell the alcohol from 6 feet away. He reeked of it. Of course I administer the ESD test and it went right to RED Instant fail.

So goes my first arrest.

Speed cuffs

What happened next was totally bizarre.

After failing the test the driver reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a small bottle of vodka that has no cap on it and tries to take another drink.

I of course stop him.

Some people need jail time before they kill others, or themself’s.

Oh and the paper work for this wasn’t all that bad !

[ Todays study - Theft (Amendment) Act 1996 ) ]

Friday, February 18, 2005

Study !

Something I may have negleticed to mention. The S word.

Yes study. I thought I might have broken the back on the volume of study for this lifetime career but sadly it’s dawning on me that is far from the case.
I have 6 attendance training units of a week long each with an exam at the end.

Failure results in all manner of evils for the probationer.
Some of these include a formal warning on your record, an extension to your probation time and the dreaded of all evils a p45 (don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out)

You see, you spent the first two years as a probationer before you are affirmed in the role as constable, during those two years you are in essence a constable doing the job working away, however every thing you do is monitored, assessed and supervised.

Constant exams, reviews and reports. A folder of all your actions and incidences you deal with as well as my personal assessment of the incident and a review of it. That all gets checked by my line manager (A sergeant)

Who by the way adds his tuppance to that folder.

This is on top of the paperwork I do during the day.

So the books beckon the Theft Act 1968 in all its glory requires rereading tonight.

I have cookies and milk on stand by.

The beat

So the puppy walking begins proper, I am tasked to a senior officer (only 2 years!!) To be shown the ropes so to speak.
I spent the better half of the morning finding my way around the nick.
Custody suite, Interview rooms, CID and et al.
More importantly I found the bathroom, showers and the holy canteen.

It seems to me the majority of the paperwork in this job is done in the canteen,
furious scribbling between bites of bacon rolls, sausage and egg brekkie is clearly evident. Multitasking at its finest.

More introductions and picking up my locker keys & parking permit.

Then it’s out on the mean streets. Thankfully my boots are well broken in by the marching about in training college or I would have had sore feet by now.

4 hours with out a break getting to know the main roads at least and the major postcodes of the area around the station. My A-Z tucked in my back pocket getting well thumbed as I am asked directions to.

As I’m new the Station control room take little bit longer to respond to me on the radio, I take no offence by it they are a busy lot and once I have been a bit longer I am sure my name will be well known, Now is that infamy or a good thing. It remains to be seen.

My first incident a road traffic collision (They are termed collisions not accidents).This turn of events involve me now sending of a collision report to the area traffic division. Collection of CCTV in the area with the accompanying statements and a process book to report one of the drivers for various traffic offences.
All in all this takes me about another 4 hours to do.
What happened I hear you cry?

Car 1 was parked on double red lines. Driver of car 1 was a provisional licence holder driving unsupervised and with no L plates. Car 2 was driving along the road when Car 1 apparently pulled across the road to perform a U turn and Car 2 collided with the rear driver’s side of Car 1.

Lucky no one was injured. What happens now to the driver?

He will appear in court and no doubt I will and the other driver – sounds like a fun day out to me but then I don’t face getting banned or a fine.

Happy days.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Day Uno

Well what an intresting start.
After turning up for my first shift and settling down in the briefing room with a warm cup of coffee in my paws nodding to people who I will be working closely with over the comming months and years I feel like I am back at traning college.

New faces, new names, new worries.

The briefing is detailed and comprehensive of whats been going on in the locality in the last 24 hours, I am sure there is little point in my attempt to take it all in and with time I will get the hang of it.

First the introduction. If you dont like public speaking police work aint for you bud.
Its old hat now down to 3 minutes my entire life until now.
Each and every time I say my Introduction to a new group it gets a little more worn.

Then the meeting.
Meet the skipper ( Seargent )
Meet the Gov' (Inspector )
Meet the Boss ( SuperIntendent of the nick )

Each parting wisdom and words of advice to me the young blood,
the fresh face, the eager beaver .... the sucker for all the crap jobs to come.

Every body in this work starts and the bottom and to be honest I am looking forward to it.
A chance to work from the ground up, and earn the respect and trust of my coherts in crime.

Shoulder numbers.
CS SPRAY .... phear the cs !

Foxtrot oscar

And so it starts

Welcome to my blog -
I hope to chronicle the trials of a probationary police constable here in the
I have recently finished training college and have just started my first posting.

The names have been changed to protect the guilty!

Investigations - 183 | Crimes Solved- 85 | No Crime - 47
% Detection rate - 46.4 % (Counting year April 08 )

Investigations - 129 | Crimes Solved- 53 | No Crime - 36
% Detection rate - 49.3 % (Counting year April 07 )